Christian Girls ALWAYS Swallow

In my google search for dirty sex acts (i.e. Dirty Sanchez, Blumpkin, Bankok Bugspray, etc.) i found a website (which can be found in my links section) devoted to instructing Christians in non-traditional sex practices according to God’s word. The following are a few brief synopses of each section.

 

ORAL

“The Benefits of Swallowing – Drink of the Living Water” Yes, that is a REAL headline from the website. This portion also highlights the idea that the verses in Genesis 38 discussing “spilling” seed are actually letting the reader know that Onan actually recieved God’s wrath for pulling out, not for masturbating as is often thought.

There are references to the Song of Solomon’s allusions to oral sex and it’s “sweet taste.” In addition to the tasty benefits, the website notes that “Oral sex has the added benefits of preventing unwanted pregnancies and helping couples satisfy their sexual urges while preserving their chastity until marriage.” This means that those abstaining can happily engage in a little head to ease the tension of waiting until marriage.

Bottom Line: Sucky sucky time, just make sure that you swallow.

 

ANAL

The website starts out on what i would consider a curious note, “Anal sex is confusing to many Christians” who think that anal is wrong because homsexuality is wrong. Quickly clearing up the issue after a reference to Titus, the website informs readers that “God also created our bodies for pleasure, and anal sex is just one of the many ways that we can enjoy this pleasure and share it with a partner.”

Why Anal?

“having anal sex allows her to preserve her virginity” oh, right. of course.

Bottom Line (no pun intended, ok some pun): Put it in.

 

I believe it’s “Menage A Trois” …THE THREESOME

“Is a Christian Threesome Possible?” According to this website, not between two men and a woman. But between two women and a man, absolutely. The website notes that the Bible gives “specific prohibition against lesbian sex.” Awesome.

But what about adultery? You know, that thing from the ten commandments… no problems, in fact “the exploration of the wife’s sexuality with another woman could actually serve to draw the husband and wife closer together.” So there.

Bottom Line: “To summarize, we feel a Christian threesome is morally acceptable.” 

 

FISTING

The website feels that many Christian men do not fist their women and they feel that “This is unfortunate, because it means that many Christian men and women are depriving themselves of what could be the most spiritual sexual experience of their lives.”

In the website’s opinion, the fist is a powerful symbol and using it on a woman allows her and you to share a deeply spiritual sexual experience. A warning is offered however, “Before attempting fisting, a Christian husband and wife should pray together and ask for divine guidance.” So be prepared.

Bottom Line: if you don’t, then you are depriving yourselves of a wonderful mystery of the Lord.

 

MASTURBATION

“Masturbation: God’s Great Gift to Us”

SHAVING DOWN THERE?

“Believe and Be Shaved”

BONDAGE

“Despite the misleading impressions that such common BDSM practices as spanking, humiliation, and name-calling may give, they are only performed in the context of a loving relationship to fulfill the higher purpose of  strengthening emotional, sexual, and spiritual bonds.”

PORN

“The primary purpose of Christian pornography is to allow married Christian couples to better celebrate their sexuality in order to become more intimate with each other and enjoy a closer walk with the Lord.”

 

In summary, this confirms a lot of things my friends have been telling their Christian girlfriends for a long time. Party on.

 

thejonfoley